Setbacks, We All Have Them!

Weight loss is complex. That is putting it mildly. It is truly a never-ending series of ups and downs. Highly unlikely do you come across the successful person who entails no setbacks or struggles along the path of their weight loss journey. No, those who set out to lose weight or gain overall better health and accomplish such with no road bumps along the way are quite the rarity. For the rest of us, setbacks are as natural a part of the weight loss journey as is anything.

I am myself working through such a setback in my own personal journey. To give an accurate idea of the setback that I am working through, at this time, I need to paint a picture of how I got to the place that I am mentally in right now. About a year and a half ago, my daughter decided to leave home to move to Minnesota to be with her boyfriend. Now, we lived in North Georgia, and that was a very long distance, and given that she had never been away from me since birth, I was crushed over this. Shortly after making her move to Minnesota, my son informed me that he and his wife had decided at the end of that year to move to Utah. Again, I am in North Georgia, and am being completely blown away by the idea of both my children (and now my grandchildren) moving so far away from me. After some thought I told my husband that if the kids both moved away up north, we should just get us a condo in the Gulf of Mexico. That way, the kids would have a good excuse to come visit me- beach vacations! Within two months of my declaration to move to the Gulf coast after the kids moved, my son and daughter in law decided that Utah was too far to move the grandkids from their family. They had now decided to move to Florida, and instead of waiting until the end of the year, they were moving in a month. Yet again, overwhelmed, that set the wheels in motion for me to make some drastic changes with my own life. I am fortunate enough to work from home for my corporate office, and after doing some research and questioning my management staff, I learned that I could, in fact, keep my current job and move to Florida. My husband and I had begun the exhausting task of selling, giving away, and trashing everything that we owned that was not considered a necessity, in order to downsize and move to Florida.

Things had not worked out for my daughter in her job as well as she had hoped it would, and she had made the decision to move back home with me and my husband three months before our planned move to Florida. We had gotten my son and daughter in law moved down to their apartment and settled in. My daughter had applied for and conducted several phone interviews for work. Things were going smoothly in preparation for the move. Inside of one month before we were to load the moving truck and move our entire life to South Florida to be with my son and granddaughters, my daughter had decided not to go with us. She had gone back to work at the job she had prior to moving to Minnesota, and things were going well for her there. She had decided to stay with a coworker and friend for the time being. To say the least, I was crushed, yet again. I had envisioned this dream life of having my children and grandchildren with me enjoying all the tourist-worthy things Florida had to offer. But I had to respect her decision, and as much as it hurt, I moved to Florida and left her in Georgia.

We got settled in the first week of October and things were going as well as planned. I was always searching fun things to do in the weekends with the girls. We had moved into the same apartment complex as them, and I could walk down on my breaks to visit, or after work, my husband and I would go down and take the girls to the park or for a walk around the pond. It was indeed a nice life. The only thing missing was Bree. However, I did not realize it was not to last. By December, Ryan and Teresa had informed us that they had not taken to Florida quite as well as they had thought they may and had made the decision to move back to North Georgia. Already crushed by Bree electing to stay in Georgia, I was now utterly devastated. Teresa’s parents had also, during this time, moved to the same area to be close to them and the girls. However, they had a daughter back in Georgia as well who was still in college, and they, too, had decided to move back home. Now, Henry and I were in a strange city with absolutely no one. We now faced a life in which we were truly isolated- no family, no friends, and, for me working at home, no coworkers. It was, without a doubt, the third most terrifying thing I had faced in my life.

Understandably, after Ryan and Teresa had moved the girls back to Georgia in January I had gone through a really deep depression. I had lost, for the most part, any motivation to do anything. I did not clean house, except what was absolutely necessary to function, I did not go out and walk around the pond- I tried, but I would just start crying every time I would walk past “their apartment” or think about silly things Elli would do or how Kenlee wanted to race around the pond, and I took to comfort eating. This went on for some time, and I knew it was not fair to Henry. He was devasted too by being here alone. He had to give up a job that he loved and good coworkers who had become great friends to come here and take a huge cut in pay with complete strangers to do this for me. I began talking about wanting to lose weight and researching ideas. Henry suggested that of the ideas I was tossing around, joining the local Weight Watchers made the most sense. He thought the idea of having a reason to get out of the apartment and socialize with other people would be good for me. Not only for support and encouragement in my weight loss endeavors but would help with the depression. So, I signed up.

He was right, the people at the weekly meetings were so supportive and welcoming. My WW coach is phenomenal and such a great leader for our group. I started out my first month really amazing, I had lost sixteen pounds. Things were going great again. I still missed my family terribly but was losing weight, so I was feeling better physically and mentally. Henry and I began getting out on the weekends to go to the local parks for hiking and walking. We started setting challenges for ourselves like getting twenty thousand steps in a day, then twenty-five thousand, and eventually thirty thousand steps in a day. As of this writing, we are still working on accomplishing a forty thousand step goal. I had regained my interest in going to the beach and doing things that I had basically stopped doing altogether after the kids left.

Then, the crash happened. We did not have a weigh in or meeting for Easter Sunday. That is when I go to my weekly meetings, on Sunday morning. It seemed harmless enough. The next week, my daughter and her boyfriend (yes, the same boyfriend from Minnesota) came down to spend a week with us. It was so wonderful to have them here. We did so much to enjoy their time down. We went to the beach, went fishing, showed them our favorite parks, and just all around basked in their presence. They left on that Saturday morning, and as it always is, it was so sad to watch them go. The sadness sinks in and takes a hold unlike anything else I know. I worked that Sunday, so I did not get to attend my weekly meeting. I worked the following three Sundays and elected not to attend any of the other weekly meetings during that time from Easter and Bree’s visit until the Sunday after Mother’s Day. What was the underlying reason, the reason of which I did not wish to truthfully admit to anyone, was not that I was working. I did, in fact work for three straight Sunday’s. But after Bree and Ryne left, the reality of missing my family and being isolated hit me again, just as hard as it had in January when Ryan and Teresa left. For two weeks, I did not want to get out of bed, let alone work out or track food. I had gained back six of the sixteen pounds that I had lost. This time, Henry was crushed to see me so broken and giving up on all the hard work that I had put into losing the weight. So, by week three, he had started going to the gym at our apartment complex, going for walks around the pond after dinner, and getting out on the weekends for a hike. Encouraging me to join him, he helped me snap out of the deep sadness that I was experiencing, and in that last week and a half, I had lost back five of the six that I had gained.

That following Sunday when I went to weigh in, my tracker recorded a 1.2 lb weight gain. I wasn’t happy about having any gain at all recorded in my official tracker, but I knew that I had busted my ass the previous week and a half to keep that number from reflecting the entire six pounds that I had gained. I share this story not to make excuses or to make out that I blame my family for my depression or my struggles with my weight. I chose to move to Florida to follow them, and I cannot make them decide to live here or to love it here. I can only control my choices and actions. No, I share this to say that we all encounter setbacks along the way in our weight loss journey. So, the question is never really if the setback will come, it is when will it come and how prepared for it will you be? I did not anticipate Bree’s visit setting the stage for a setback, and I was not prepared for how I would feel after her visit ended and she and Ryne had left. But after working through this difficult time and seeing for myself just how hard it was to get the weight back off, I know now that I need to be more mentally prepared for the next time. There are countless other things to do to work through being sad over missing my family. I could go for that walk around the pond, go out and lay by the pool, listen to some positive affirmation, or journal about my feelings. Also, I could always FaceTime them when I am sad and miss them the most. Now, that is a novel concept!

The reality is, that it is called a weight loss journey for a reason. It IS a journey; a process. There will be good days and there will be bad days. But everyday is a day to push through and remember what you are working for. To think about how much better I can be for my family when I am in better health. How much more I can enjoy seeing my grandchildren when I can run and play with them without getting winded and feel like I have been hit by a truck. But mostly, how they do not need to feel guilty for their decision to stay in Georgia because they have to feel that every time they see me, it makes me depressed and I spiral out of control. That is not their burden, and they must see me be strong, so that we can enjoy seeing each other and love each other. It is important to keep finding the things that keep me uplifted mentally and physically. Self help books, daily affirmations, journaling, and just sitting outside by the water and being in nature are the things that I have found that bring me back to a safe and healthy place. They say that the true key to long lasting weight loss is in that it is not a diet, but it is a lifestyle change. That is true, and this will be a lifelong journey, and a daily process. But, a process in which I am fully committed to giving my everything to.

5 Books You Should Read to Have a More Productive Day!

First on the list is Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis. While Girl, Wash Your Face is not specifically a productivity book, per say, I felt it deserved to make the top of the list. Rachel Hollis explains in this book we can tend to allow the lies and limitations thrust upon us by society to prevent us from having the courage to pursue our own dreams, ambitions, and goals. And, that is counterproductive. Rachel is so charming, and adorable. She is so raw and authentic in telling her own story as she progresses through the book, that she immediately becomes your friend. In fact, she is the one friend you want there when you suffer a bad break up or you do not get into nursing school. She will comfort you, much like a half-melted pint of Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia and she will cry tears with you, real tears. Then she will wipe your messy misty hair away from your face and bring you back into the reality that those people and those things do not get to define who you are. It is impossible to be productive in the pursuit of your dreams and ambitions and the achievement of your goals, let alone just getting through your daily to-do lists when you are weighted down with the ideology that you are not good enough, or pretty enough, or smart enough, or even, lucky enough to accomplish them. Let Rachel hold your hand through the journey of peeling off the layers of self-doubt, insecurity, and blaming and shaming yourself, so that you can have a clean slate to being the foundation of gaining confidence to productively build the life you want- the life you deserve.

Second on the list is Get Your Sh*t Together by Sarah Knight . Sarah is witty and funny in her straight-forward approach to becoming more productive. She uses the concept of mental decluttering. Whereby, you will purge from your mind all the unnecessary things that take up too much of your time and energy and hinder you from getting the real important stuff done. Unlike “Girl, Wash Your Face,” which focuses on a form of mental decluttering the negative thoughts that pervade our beliefs and our faith in ourselves, this book is more about a mental decluttering of the things that can rob us of our productivity by sucking up so much of our time. Things like constantly checking emails, or stopping whatever you are doing far too many times throughout the day to scroll on social media, or with a nervous half-smile reluctantly agreeing to volunteer to help with the company bake sale this Saturday, even though you know you have a paper to write for school or you had planned to go THIS Saturday to get those tires changed that are wearing thin. The focus of this book emphasizes the need to learn how to prioritize. By taking an accurate inventory of everything you have on your plate, aka schedule, and weeding out the things that are not a high priority and concentrating on the ones that have the highest priority, you set yourself up to be more productive throughout the day and week. Her principle is based on the notion that if you have something come up that you feel obligated to do, but you have to give up something that you really wanted to do or something you really need to do, then this new thing is a low priority and you should not feel obligated. Just because you are asked by a dear friend, coworker, or family member, does not mean that yes should always be the answer.

Next, we find The 5 Second Rule written by Mel Robbins. Mel uses wit and logic to delve into the story of how the 5 Second Rule came to be. It started out as a tool to help “launch” her out of bed in the mornings and stop hitting the snooze button until she had wasted the better part of every morning avoiding getting up and facing her life. The principle of this book is how we can reset our thoughts and actions by triggering our prefrontal cortex simply by counting down from 5. The key to the rule is that you have to count down from 5, 5. 4. 3. 2. 1. Liftoff! Mel uses the science backed idea that if you count forward from 1, your brain will, by nature keep counting with no stopping point. The 5 Second Rule is based on the idea that within as little as five seconds, we can allow fear and doubt to take over our thoughts and prevent us from taking action to do the things we very much want to do. Some of the examples used in the book include a man sitting at a bar and wanting to speak to a woman he sees across the room or a woman who decides to take her sister’s children to raise following her untimely death, or anyone sitting in a work meeting with a great idea but afraid to speak up for fear of no one else in the meeting agreeing that it is a good idea. Within as little as five crucial seconds, either of them could have made the decision to act on their choices, or have allowed fear and doubt hinder their judgement and cause them to miss out on some pretty incredible opportunities. Opportunities can be lost forever, in as little as five seconds. This book is about switching those negative thoughts of fear and doubt before they have a chance to take a hold and change the outcome from what you initially intended. This book is about restructuring the way you think in a way to give you more confidence and courage to act on the things you want to. To become fearless and believe in yourself. The book also has an accompanying journal and workbook, although neither are necessary to read the book or gain an invaluable plan from it, they are, in essence, additional tools to help reinforce the concept of the 5 Second Rule.

Once we break the habit of hitting our snooze button, we then find The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod. The importance of a good morning routine is paramount to having a productive day. You can pick up any of one dozen or more books about productivity or success and they will all tell you that the most productive and successful people all practice the ritual of a regular morning routine. The size of the Miracle Morning community is phenomenal; all you have to do is search miracle morning on YouTube and you will find hundreds of videos by people who have adopted this morning ritual and swear by the positive impact that is has had on their lives. The Miracle Morning is about building an enriching morning routine around what Hal has termed the Life S.A.V.E.R.S. Each of the letters of the savers acronym represents a specific area for self growth and life enrichment. S- represents silence. Whether it is meditation, prayer, reflection, or just simply sitting in silence, Hal stresses the importance of beginning your morning ritual by clearing out the lingering thoughts. To get your head clear and focused to tackle the day without a myriad of things running around through your mind all day. A- represents affirmations. Hal points out that chanting in the mirror, “I am pretty.” “I am smart.” will not really have any lasting benefit if you are just mindlessly repeating words for the sake of repeating words. He emphasizes getting real and personal with the affirmations. Speaking to yourself positively about something personal and important to you will stand a greater chance of having lasting effects. V- represents visualization. Creating a vision board is the top suggestion. By placing the things you want to achieve onto something tangible that you can physically look at will help you gain the needed momentum for working toward those goals. Hal suggest sitting and actually visioning yourself not only once achieving the goal, but also, to visualize yourself working toward that goal, such as driving yourself to the gym every morning. E- represents exercise. It is no guarded secret of the benefits exercise has on us, both physically and mentally. One would be hard pressed to be productive throughout their day if they are suffering from ailments or just generally in physical pain from simply moving. Whether it is ten minutes or an hour, exercise is one part of morning routine that is bound to have the most immediate effects on how you feel. R- represents reading. Hal encourages daily reading, but puts more emphasis on reading for personal development. There are countless online options for courses or classes in personal growth and development. S- represents scribing. Journaling is suggested as one of the best means for your daily scribe. After meditating to purge all those thoughts out of your head and then reading for personal development, journaling would be a great way to write down how you feel about the things your learned that morning. Also, taking notes and writing out a plan for the things that your read about in your personal development reading would be a great means for daily scribing. Hal encourages his reader to begin with a 30-day challenge for trying the Miracle Morning, and then decide for yourself if you see a noticeable difference or not.

And, finally, last but certainly not least on the list is How To Make Sh*t Happen written by Sean Whalen. Sean takes a no-nonsense in-your-face approach to keeping yourself on track with the things that are most important in life. This book is not for the faint of heart. However, the reality is often times we need a gentle nudge and sometimes we need a swift kick in the rear to snap us back in line. Sean delivers on that swift kick of justice for us when we need it. He uses his principle of the “Core 4” to guide a plan for structuring every day around doing one thing, purposefully, to work on the four core areas of our lives that should be regarded in the highest. The core four areas are: Passion (relationships), Power (body), Purpose (mind), and Production (business). The idea is that every day you set one timed task to work on each of these four areas, and that by working on each of these each and every day, it will move you closer toward your end goal of relationship, health, financial and personal development success. The action steps planned are to be daily, they are better executed when they are timed and scheduled, and they are non-negotiable. Being that almost everyone nowadays has a smart phone within arms reach at any given moment, he stresses that the phone is the perfect planner to set about planning your Core 4 tasks. Some examples he gives is setting a timer on your phone to text a flirty message to your significant other, or find a trainer or workout partner to keep you accountable in your fitness goals. He also stresses the importance of having a morning routine. All too often, we tend to pick up self-help or personal development books and get all fired up over them because they are saturated with great ideas, and resources, and in our hearts, we know they are filled up with truth. Yet, somehow, when we finish reading the book, we put it down and move on to another book without ever looking back. Sean knows this, and he is continually giving commands throughout the book to “do this now.” As he is going through each of the four principles, he asks you to put the book down and take purposeful and deliberate action to work on the things that are important enough to work on every. Single. Day.

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It’s all in the plan.

“There is just not enough time in the day!” I am certain that everyone I know has exhaustively proclaimed that statement at least once. I have said it to myself on numerous occasions. Ironically however, there is just enough time in every day. Each day, we are provided with twenty-four hours to do with what we will. When we think of the most successful people in the world, we think of people like Bill Gates and Oprah Winfrey. Coincidentally, even the most successful people have twenty-four hours in their day as well. It is in how they use those twenty-four hours that makes all the difference.
Plan. Plan. Plan!
It’s such a novel concept, I know. But, if you think of how so many of the most successful people in the world manage their time, well, it must be effective. You hear it in the movies often, and, depending on the environment, possibly in real life; the phrase, “let me check my calendar.” We are only granted so many minutes in every day, and with so many tasks that must be completed, trying to fit in the things that we want to do too, well, winging it just won’t cut it. I know, I know, I have prided myself on being the self-proclaimed “world’s best winger” most of my adult life. However, when I took on some monumental life changes, like a full-time job, going back to school and taking a full time accelerated course load, and trying to build on relationships with my new husband and granddaughters, well, I had a hard reality check. Work is work, it pays the bills, and it must be the time blocked in my calendar first and foremost. School assignments, well they tend to have those pesky little deadlines, so they must also be entered in the planner, but then I had to go a step further, and block off time to do the work to turn in by the assigned deadline. Doing things with my husband and spending quality time with my granddaughters are no less of a priority than the aforementioned, but they are more fluid, and do not have hard and fast time constraints set on them. Whether you try calendar blocking or any other method of time management, you need to develop a system of putting your plans in place. A recent report on socialmediatoday.com states that the average American spends about two hours a day on social media. That adds up to a whopping five years and four months over the span of an average lifetime. It is no wonder we are unable to complete the things that we need to get completed. Imagine what could be accomplished in that two hours spent on social media. It is imperative to make the things that must be done a priority. Even if you choose not to use a physical calendar or planner, we all have a handy dandy smart phone at the ready at any given moment, set reminders, set alarms for specific times that need to be spend on important tasks, and use the timer to block out times- and remember to put the phone on do not disturb mode when you are working on important tasks that require focus and attention!
Wake up early!
It is harsh, I know. I hate doing it myself, But, I can say with all certainty that when I get out of bed early, there is a marked difference in how productive my day goes. Mostly, I just feel better overall physically and mentally. We face a lot throughout the day with work, traffic, kids, or just any number of life’s little surprises. It will serve you well to wake up with enough time to prepare yourself for those daily challenges. Jumping out of bed, throwing on the first t shirt you grab, and running out the door is not the way to face the day like a lion ready to be the king of the jungle. Waking up early is not just enough to satisfy the idea here, there must be purpose in doing so. Do you ever wonder why all the great productivity gurus and successful people are always talking about having a morning routine? Hint: it’s because it works! There has to be a method to the madness, so to speak. So, when you wake early, have a plan in place as to what your morning will entail, but important things that will help you mentally and physically prepare for the day. Everyone’s morning routine will differ, but they should all include a few choice things such as (in no particular order):
1) Meditation/Self Reflection
2) Exercise
3) Read
4) PODA (Plan of daily activities)
5) Self-Care
Meditation/Self Reflection– morning time spent alone can be so soul rejuvenating. Think about this, you spend countless hours a day engaging in conversation with other people, from work to the grocery store, to your family. If you allow yourself as little as ten minutes a day to just sit quietly and reflect on how you want your day to go, or think out some of your personal goals and ideas, you will be surprised at how better equipped you are to mentally give to the countless others you will be answering to throughout the day.
Exercise– it’s a dirty job, but somebody has to do it. In all seriousness though, you can look up any of half a dozen to a hundred of health articles that will corroborate the many health benefits of working out in the morning. First, exercise releases endorphins that act as a mood regulator and can keep you feeling in a great mood all day. Also, exercise increases brain power, which can help you maintain a sharper focus and more clarity in your thinking. Aside from the traditional benefit of sweating it out like detoxifying your body, according to an article published in Psychology Today (2004), exercise makes you smart, sweating releases “a protein called BDNF, for “brain-derived neurotrophic factor.” This chemical, which helps nerve cells grow and connect, is important for fetal development. But it turns out to be critical in the adult brain, as well.” The article goes on to state that, “It turns out that the brain-body connection is more powerful than anyone thought. Shaking a leg (or curling a bicep) doesn’t just make you stronger, healthier and better-looking—it also helps your brain shrug off damage and the effects of aging.” (Jozefowicz). Do you need more reasons than that?
Read– it is the one thing that the most successful people in the world have in common. According to an article published in the Huffington Post, “when Warren Buffett was once asked about the key to success, he pointed to a stack of nearby books and said, “Read 500 pages like this every day. That’s how knowledge works. It builds up, like compound interest. All of you can do it, but I guarantee not many of you will do it.”” (Merle, 2017). From the time we are children, reading is fundamental to building our vocabulary, and opening our minds to experience new worlds through the written word, that we may never otherwise experience with our own physical eyes. Find something that you are passionate about, read on it, study it, learn every aspect of the ins and outs of it. There is no more sure-fire way of obtaining self-growth than through reading.
PODA – your plan of daily activities. In essence, what is written in your planner, on your wall calendar, or jotted down in the reminders on your phone. It is about taking a few minutes each morning to look over the things that must be accomplished for that day, and strategizing a plan for making the most effective means of getting those things done.
Self care– that should be a given. Whether it is a morning skin care ritual, a few minutes of quiet time with a cup of hot tea, or taking a few minutes to read something of interest, you owe it to yourself to block out a set amount of time every morning take care of yourself before you begin taking care of anyone or anything else.
Eat the frog already!
Mark Twain once said, “If it’s your job to eat a frog, it’s best to do it first thing in the morning. And if it’s your job to eat two frogs, it’s best to eat the biggest one first.” In modern times, many a time management guru has come to equate “the frog” with that one dreaded task on your to-do list that you keep putting off. You know the one, that pesky thing that makes you cringe, yet, it is always there, staring at you. There is no escaping it. The premise of eating the frog, means to take the biggest task of the day, usually that one that you put off because you just don’t want to do it, and get it out of the way first thing. The idea is that once the big task is completed, you can enjoy the rest of your day basking in the revelation that nothing else you do all day will be as challenging or monumental. So, tackle the big task first, and set the tone for the remainder of the day. Even if you do not accomplish one other thing the rest of the day, you will still fee like a certified bad ass for getting that one dreaded huge task behind you
Pomodoro, please!
The Pomodoro method is a system of time management that, uses a productivity interval which has been shown to improve your productivity. It gives you a prescribed interval of 25 minutes of work followed by a 5-minute break. After 4 work intervals, there is a 15-minute break. There are apps and websites in which you can access a Pomodoro timer, such as http://www.online-timers.com/pomodoro-timers. The idea is that breaking tasks into smaller manageable blocks of time, and allowing yourself a little break in between, there is less likelihood of suffering from burnout or mental fatigue. This especially comes in handy when working on large homework or work-related assignments, such as reports or term papers. It is also quite beneficial when, ahem, eating that proverbial frog!
It is quite possible to have a productive day. The important thing is learning how to manage your time to allow for productivity, yet without feeling like you are running an exhaustive marathon. A little forethought and pre-planning can go a long way in setting the course for a more productive and less stressful life. There are limitless resources online to teach better time management. I encourage you to research them all, try a few dozen or so, until you find your niche.
If you are looking to develop a system of time management to keep you on track and stay motivated to get stuff done, stop spinning your wheels, and Click Here!

Resources
Asano, Evan. “How Much Time Do People Spend on Social Media? [Infographic].” Social Media Today, 4 Jan. 2017, http://www.socialmediatoday.com/marketing/how-much-time-do-people-spend-social-media-infographic.
Jozefowicz, Chris. “Sweating Makes You Smart.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 1 May 2004, http://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200405/sweating-makes-you-smart.
Merle, Andrew. “The Reading Habits of Ultra-Successful People.” The Huffington Post, TheHuffingtonPost.com, 7 Dec. 2017, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/andrew-merle/the-reading-habits-of-ult_b_9688130.html.

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Attachment Styles

The three types of attachment styles include:
1) Secure attachment style- Securely attached adults have positive views of relationships, find it easy to get close to others, and are not overly concerned with or stressed out about their romantic relationships. These adults tend to enjoy sexuality in the context of a committed relationship and are less likely than others to have one-night stands. Secure attachment style does not compare with the avoidant or anxious styles other than simply forming relationships, because the avoidant and anxious styles do not have that security in their relationships. In contrast, secure attachment differs because there is no jealousy or distance or demanding for the partners attention. Rather, having the ability to trust in the relationship, secure attachment individuals are comfortable with time spent apart from their partner. A television couple that personifies this style of attachment are Audrey and Jeff Bingham from the show “Rules of Engagement”. They are both very secure in their relationship. They trust each other completely, and they are not stressed out or concerned with their partner goes out with friends and they are not together.
2) Avoidant attachment Style- Avoidant individuals are hesitant about getting involved in romantic relationships and once in a relationship tend to distance themselves from their partner. Avoidant style compares with the anxious style in that there are no strong bonds of trust and deep commitment. Avoidant style contrasts with the secure attachment style in that the avoidant individual will distance themselves from their partner once in a relationship, and the secure attachment individuals remain close and throughout their relationship will continue to grow even closer and develop deeper levels of intimacy with each other. A television character who expresses the avoidant attachment style is Russell Dunbar on “Rules of Engagement”. Russell is a character on the sitcom that serial dates and has a rule about no female can stay overnight at his place. He avoids second dates, and when he thinks he likes a female enough to develop feelings, he will shun her and avoid all contact with her, because he does not want to be in a committed relationship.
3) Anxious attachment style- Anxious attachment individuals demand closeness, are less trusting, and are more emotional, jealous, and possessive. Anxious attachment style compares to the avoidant attachment style because, while the individuals are in a relationship, their relationships are lacking security, and a deep level of commitment. Anxious attachment style contrasts considerably with the secure attachment style because, rather than having that level of trust and ease of maintaining the relationship, the anxious individual is continually seeking validation from their partner. They lack the ability to trust and are jealous of everyone and anyone, unlike the secure attachment individual who trusts in their commitment, and therefore their partner and the relationship, and can be confident that even when they are apart from each other, they have no reason for unjustified or irrational fears about the status of their relationship. An example of the anxious attachment style is Jackie Burkhart from “That 70s Show”. Jackie is a character whose parents are absent from her life, although they shower her with money. She is constantly demanding attention and validation from her boyfriends on the show.

http://www.2knowmyself.com/how_to_make_someone_love_you_forever

 

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